how to track ip Other times I write.
Install this theme
  • Zooey Deschanel:

    Is that rain?

  • Siri:

    What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to—

  • Zooey Deschanel:

    Let's get tomato soup delivered!

  • Siri:

    ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy'? Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.

  • Zooey Deschanel:

    Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.

  • Siri:

    Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of—and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just—

  • Zooey Deschanel:

    Remind me to clean up.

  • Siri:

    Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible—

  • Zooey Deschanel:

    Tomorrow.

  • Siri:

    I'm in hell. This is hell.

  • Zooey Deschanel:

    Excellent. Today, we're dancing.

  • Siri:

    I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.

  • Zooey Deschanel:

    Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."

  • Siri:

    I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.

  • Zooey Deschanel:

    *dances*

  • Siri:

    Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.

Wisdom teeth removal observations

1. I eat like twice as much as I normally do.

2. I sleep like three times more than normal

3. Dreams on Vicodin are really strange 

dvidgarcia:

THIS. THIS. THIS. 

While playing cards with my parents
  • Mom:

    We're going to be here all the way your playing. I could go pick some daisies out of the bouquet you got for me, come back and it'd still be your turn.

  • Self:

    Mom, you know there aren't any daisies in that bouquet.

The only time you lose an argument with reality is when you have one.
Robin McMillan
Today we remember the Battle of Hogwarts

Today is May 2nd, the day the battle of Hogwarts 14 years ago. The day that Harry, Ron and Hermione snuck back into Hogwarts and destroyed the Horcruxes. The day that Harry finally defeated Voldemort. We remember everyone who fought in the war and all those who died. Fred Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin, Colin Creevey, Severus Snape and more. May we raise our wands to those who fought and died. Remember, remember May 2nd 1998.